Thursday, January 5, 2012

My Liquid Energy Experience #3- Exercise

When one thinks of exercising, the first image that comes to mind is that of a gym.  A gym is like any other place, except that it has been flooded with testosterone.  It’s a magical place that seamlessly combines the smell of sweat, the sounds of unnecessary grunts, and the feeling of male insecurity in a single building.  Gyms are so manly that females who exercise in the free weight section for more than three days in a row begin to grow facial hair.  This shocking study has inspired companies like Bosley to replace their hair regeneration products with gym memberships; however, I have spent months in a gym and I still cannot grow facial hair.  Life is unfair.  Anyway, now that this irrelevant tangent is complete, here is my experience with exercise! 
Some people have all the luck

After an on and off relationship with the gym, the obnoxious grunts of someone desperate to have everyone watch them bench 300 pounds one time became too much for me.  I started up P90X with Tony Horton.  The appeal of this workout for me was P90X consists primarily with exercises that use your body weight.  As I am in the same weight class as Kate Moss, this made the exercises much easier for me than everyone else.  Unfortunately, my break up with the gym had led to an explosion of comfort eating with my non-judgmental friend, fast food.  When I eventually began to exercise again, it did not go well.  After the first 20 minutes of working out, I spent the rest of the video exercising my eyeballs while lying on the ground groaning in pain until the video ended.  I was so sore I walked around like I was in a body cast for the next two days.  Part way through the video, Tony mentioned a p90x recovery drink. 
I apparently do P90x in a rural environment
This is where I learned the value of nutrition in workouts.  After exercising, I realized that I wouldn’t be as sore if I chugged chocolate milk and ate a peanut butter sandwich in addition to my protein shake.  With the power of science, I slowly became less of a pansy until I was able to complete every p90x workout (Note: This does not include yoga as a certain segment of yoga stretches consist of stances reserved only for Reed Richards of the fantastic four).  When my roommate (the owner of p90x) moved out, I had successfully completed p30, p30, and p24x.  That’s a total of p84x with a month’s worth of laziness in between.  I would like to use the sick card as an excuse, but I haven’t had a cold since I began taking Liquid Energy’s AM program!  My friend, who laughed at my bench press, now faced my ridicule as he could not complete a single pull up while I effortlessly completed 24.   Unfortunately, when my roommate left I was left without a workout plan for a post p90x world.   

Truthful and child friendly!
After mourning the loss of P90x with more fast food, I realized I would have to find a new way to exercise.  I talked to my roommate and we came up with a workout routine (by we, I mean he).  We decided to do compound movements that use low reps and high intensity to improve the major muscle groups.  At the apex of dedication, my roommate convinced me to go to the gym with him 3 days a week at 6:00 AM.   In addition to our workout routine, we also talked about eating healthy to maximize our gains.  I was going to eat healthy and provide my body with plenty or rest; however, instead I decided to take a lot of different Liquid Energy Supplements (AND IT WORKED, IN YOUR FACE DIETING).  After the first week, I was not sore at all!  After the first month, my squat went from 180 to 225 and my bench went from 135 to 175!  It is hard to say the reason for these improvements because I was too busy making awkward grunting sounds and looking at myself in the mirror. 
Ladies beware

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